But I was wrong to do that. As I deeply desire the fellowship of others, I have no right to such fellowship and camaraderie if it has to be forced. I have always enjoyed the liberty and freedom of making up my own mind about things; and sometimes I end up going completely against the flow. What I have come to realize is that I should cherish the same thing for others…to respect their journey and what God is doing in their hearts through the amazing influences of the Holy Spirit. This is my journey, not their journey!

So I have laid down my “weapons” of persuasion and “surrendered” my friends into the same gracious care of the triune God that I myself enjoy every day. If I were able to convince them to join me on this journey outside the box, then either (1) someone else along the way may persuade them to take a completely different path or (2) they may grow to resent me for pressuring them into something they were not ready for. And it’s just not worth it.

I keep meeting all kinds of people who are tired of the “go to church” and “do the church thing” and be disconnected from what is actually happening in their neighborhoods and their communities. All kinds of people are asking, “How do we enter our local communities without needing to sell them anything, but just live among and be among, listen to stories, and begin to engage them with God’s story in a non-coercive way?”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7TdLfC1jso]

• “They must have really been hurt by the church.”
• “I bet they have a problem with submitting to authority.”
• “Some people just can’t make a serious commitment to a local church.”
• “There are plenty of good churches around here. They must be looking for the perfect church.”
• “They seem like nice people, but it makes you wonder what’s really going on.”
• “Perhaps they belong to some weird cult or maybe they’re part of the emerging church!”

Why not just ask? Rather than work yourself into a lather or, even worse, become guilty of slandering a brother or sister in Christ, just invite them over for coffee and ask them. Sure, you’ll find a horror story every now and then: abuse by authoritarian elders, burned out, spiritual neglect, never accepted into a church’s cliques, serious disagreement that led to a church split, legalism, moral failure of a respected church leader, and the list could go on. Personally, I don’t know many people who haven’t been hurt or disappointed by other Christians, even inside the institutional church.

We’re not upset that people continue to go to their local church services on Sunday. Seriously, we’re not on a compaign to convince others to join us. Are you kidding? Why would we want to make it more difficult for us to get an 11:00 a.m tee time or disturb our quiet Sunday morning picnic spot at the lake? What we do want—for all believers everywhere—is mutual encouragement in our walk with the Lord and a sense of partnership in our collective witness to the world around us, whether locally or across the globe.

Those who have opted out of this approach to Christianity are often criticized for “abandoning the church” or “divorcing the bride of Christ” when in fact, they are just tired—perhaps even burned out—from attending endless meetings. Many Christians around the world are finding greater fulfillment in a more loosely organized or less structured gatherings with other believers. They are not “neglecting to meet together” when they no longer attend the meetings of a particular religious organization and it’s really bearing false witness against your brother or sister when you accuse them of violating Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV):

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

So what could a typical week look like for an out-of-the-box Christian? While it may seem strange or unthinkable to those who have never considered such an approach to the Christian life, I would challenge you to compare the following “diary” with the above passage of Scripture. Try not to read God’s Word with your particular bias forced upon it, but simply let the words say what they say and nothing more.

• Sunday — A wonderful time of family worship this morning with my wife and children! We packed a picnic lunch and drove to a large park where hundreds of people gathered to enjoy the glorious Spring weather: walking their dogs, playing frisbee, watching their children on the playground equipment, and making new friends. We spotted another family that lives in our neighborhood, so we ended up sharing lunch and getting to know one another. Marcus and Stephanie are not Christians, but we got into a really interesting conversation about birds (they are avid bird-watchers) that opened the door for my wife to share her faith while she and Stephanie were supervising the kids splashing around in the fountain. Around 3:00 pm several Christians joined us for a game of croquet—we had mentioned our plans to them last week—so it was really great that Marcus and Stephanie got to meet them, too. Everyone was invited to our house for an impromptu barbecue later that evening. Our neighbors almost agreed to come until they remembered a previous commitment. After dinner we shared some really great stories from our previous week: one brother got the job offer we had all been praying for, a young single woman praised the Lord’s restorative grace during a recent trial that involved her health, and there wasn’t a dry eye among us when one of our teens read Psalm 91 and then taught us a new song he had composed recently.
• Monday — A really difficult day at work. My boss has been riding my case regarding a new product that has fallen behind schedule in production. It’s not my fault that the sales department misjudged the shipping date. I talked to a good friend later that evening and he prayed for me over the phone, asking Father to give me the strength to maintain my Christian testimony among work colleagues. My wife reminded me of His faithfulness over the years and I fell asleep with a grateful heart.
• Tuesday — An uneventful day. Our family played a couple of the kids’ favorite board games before tucking them into bed. It’s so nice to have an evening to relax and just spend time with Donna and the kids. The phone didn’t ring once! Thanks, Father!
• Wednesday — Movie night! It’s become a standing tradition among five or six Christian families to get together—sometimes all of us in one place, but that’s rare—and watch a movie together. Tonight, six adults and three teens met at the local cinema to see an early matinee of The Forbidden Kingdom with Jackie Chan and Jet Li. Another group decided to rent a children’s movie, Ratatouille, so the rest of us dropped our younger kids there before going to the big screen. After the movies, we joined the others for a quick meal together (pizza) and then dove into two gallons of Blue Bell ice cream. Got home a little later than we hoped, but it was an encouraging mid-week lift just to hang out with brothers and sisters in Christ.
• Thursday — Another normal day. It rained all afternoon and evening. Oh, I almost forgot that I had lunch with Tony, a work colleague that I’ve been building a relationship with over the past couple of months. Our times together are always limited by time, but I got the feeling that he wants to go a little deeper in our friendship. He describes himself as a backslidden Baptist who gave up on church in his teens, but he really has no understanding of God’s grace. His previous fundamentalist church really did a number on him, so he’s convinced that he doesn’t stand a chance with God because he couldn’t keep up with their legalistic rules. We talk openly about Christianity, but I’m letting him set the pace. I think it’s time to invite him to spend an afternoon with me and a couple of Christian brothers on the golf course some Sunday morning. It may blow his mind when he finds out that none of us “goes to church” (as we used to say), but it may prove valuable in the development of our relationship. He’s one guy that all of us are praying for right now.
• Friday — Donna and I enjoyed our “date night” by an early dinner at Outback (one of my favorite restaurants) and then an evening at the symphony. We’re really thankful to have so many Christian friends who are willing to have our kids over while we spend time together each week. It really gives us something to look forward to each week and it makes us more conscious of the need to invest in one another in the midst of a very hectic pace.
• Saturday — We try to focus on the kids each Saturday: encouraging them in the pursuit of hobbies, sports, or other interests. It varies throughout the year. Right now, our son is taking karate lessons on Saturday mornings and he’s got a big tournament coming up in a couple of weeks. Donna and our youngest daughter enjoy all sorts of crafts, so right now they are taking needlepoint classes at the local community center. Our oldest daughter has been pursuing all things equestrian, so she spends Saturday afternoon at a local stable and riding center where she gets free lessons in exchange for cleaning out stalls and grooming the horses after they return from a group riding event.

Did you notice that there’s no “house church” meeting in the above diary? Leaving the institutional church does not necessarily mean creating something else to take its place: not even a house church! Worship happens throughout the week as we fluidly move in and out of relationships at home, at work, and at leisure. Every event and every activity is an amazing opportunity for both witness and fellowship. Evangelism is low-key, long term, and relational. And when we gather with other believers, it’s never in a rigid structure or liturgical way, but rather creatively looking for ways “to stir up one another to love and good works” as the writer to the Hebrews urges. We meet together—sometimes spontaneously and at other times planning a few days ahead—for the purpose of “encouraging one another” (please read the above Scripture passage once again). And did you notice how this particular passage says nothing about listening to sermons, meeting in church buildings, attending worship services, Sunday School, praise and worship music, or various programs for everything under the sun? It’s just not there!

Someone was talking about a wine list they saw at a restaurant that was offering “free-range wine.” They were asking me what that was, knowing I’d grown up on a vineyard. The term really tickled me. According to Wikipedia “Free range is a method of farming husbandry where the animals are permitted to roam freely instead of being contained in any manner. The principle is to allow the animals as much freedom as possible, to live out their instinctual behaviors in a reasonably natural way…” I don’t know how you apply that to vines. We never had to cage them up in our vineyard because they weren’t ever trying to get away.

But as we talked about it, we thought what a great term it was for believers who are no longer a committed part of Sunday morning institutions. We haven’t left Christ. We’ve not lost our passion for the body, but many of us have found it far easier to grow and help others grow without all the overhead, machinery and rituals of organized religion. To some of us it was a cage that did not promote healthy spiritual growth, but actually stifled it by all the personal expectations and political necessities of an institution. Now, I know not everyone feels that way and many continue to find great life and growth in such places. If it is helping you know God better and live more deeply in him, good on you! But it is also fabulous that others are finding more opportunities for growth in the freedom from some of the restrictive realities of many of those institutions.

‘Free-range believers’ is a good way to say it. Now don’t worry. I’m not coining a term to identify a new movement or exploit a new market. I just think it’s a wonderful way to express what many of us are finding to be true—maybe we all don’t have to grow up in the same environment. What may be a joy for some can become a prison for others. And yet we are all believers still in this marvelous journey. Free-ranger believer. That has all the overlays of freedom and not growing being hyped up through artificial nutrition. As many write me, it certainly is not an easier way to live, but for many it is more real and more life-transforming.

What if someone steps outside the well worn paths? What if we stop assuming that the Sunday gathering should be the pre-eminent experience of the Christian life?

Suddenly a lot of other answers that were taken for granted are less than obvious. The journey in search of Christ outside the structures is not an easy one. I’ve found the journey to be far more emotional and upsetting to my life than I thought it would be.

First I dealt with guilt and self doubt at leaving the church. Am I a rebel? Do I just have trouble fitting in? Is there really a serious problem with this structure or am I getting paranoid?” There were plenty of voices willing to answer those questions in the affirmative!

The inner dialogue heated up. Who am I to think I can do better? Aren’t I just being divisive and proud, thinking a few are finding the answers when the many are not, but are lost in the system or merely going through the motions?

The internal questions didn’t stop. I could clearly see that I had not become perfect, and that I didn’t have all the answers. In fact, if anything, I had fewer answers than ever.