This opens up a whole new perspective for me. I once looked with pity upon my “lost” neighbors as I would drive past them on the way to Sunday meetings at my “local church.” If they knew the truth about the fires of hell, they would change their self-indulgent ways, find their place in the nearest evangelical pew, and get their heaping share of guilt and manipulation every week like the rest of us. Well, that’s how I used to think. Now I look with pity upon my evangelical neighbors who go through the Sunday morning ritual when they could be sleeping in, or enjoying time in their flower gardens, or taking their kids to the lake.

You see, we gave up Christmas and Easter about twenty years ago; at least, trying to celebrate these two holidays as “holy days” or Christian festivals. Our family enjoys the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter—like trimming the tree and the house, stockings on the mantle, chocolate bunnies, malted milk balls, and Easter egg hunts for the kids—but we quit celebrating the manger scene and the empty tomb once a year. Mixing the secular and the sacred just didn’t work for us; besides, we couldn’t find any commands or examples in the New Testament where the early church established and observed these annual festivals. Instead, we try to express our wonder and thanksgiving at these two realities, the humility of Christ’s incarnation and the glory of His resurrection, every day of our lives.

It felt good knowing it would be my last Easter service in the institutional church (IC), because I’m only a few weeks away from leaving it all behind. By the first of June, I will be truly “churchless.” I’m just hoping that I can be a voice, perhaps even a friend, to those who are bailing out of the institutional church. Not that I have all the answers to a life outside institutional religion, but just to say “It’s okay to walk with Jesus and others outside the box,” and “It’s going to be alright, even though others may not understand our decision.”

Several people told me after yesterday’s service that it was a meaningful time for them, especially the Lord’s Supper, where I explained the difference between a memorial remembrance of Jesus’ death and a mystical sacrament with meritorious grace being transferred to the participant. I read from 1 Corinthians where Paul warns of partaking of the elements of the Lord’s Supper in an unworthy manner, yet recognizing that there’s a huge difference between that and feeling unworthy to come to the table. The Lord’s Supper is for the very worst of us because it reminds us that our salvation does not rest upon what we have done, but what He has done for us. Like the old hymn, “nothing in my hands I bring; simply to the cross I cling.”

1. I’m not burning any bridges! Not with friends who remain in vocational ministry or those who simply attend an institutional church. If they can passionately pursue their relationship with Jesus and other believers in that context, then who am I to persuade them to leave? Or treat them any differently?
2. I’m not sharpening my axe! Personally, I suspect the IC will always be with us. I refuse to go on a crusade against the institution and try to single-handedly dismantle the system. If people approach me and ask why I quit attending church meetings at the local Baptist church, then I will tell them honestly. But I have no intentions of ripping into pastors, church leaders, and members for attending an IC if that’s where they feel they need to be.
3. I’m not planting a house church! To me, most house churches are simply a miniature version of their larger cousin on the corner of 4th and Main. Most people have great difficulties with the multiplication process, so most house churches end up renting larger space and, the next thing you know, they eventually erect a building of their own. Many house churches follow a pattern of worship (aka “liturgy”) and emphasize “preaching” to the point that I see very little difference other than the square footage.

My hope is simply to live alongside other believers in a way that makes Jesus known to those who don’t know Him. I want to share His life with others around me without feeling compelled to ask, “So where do you go to church?” And my primary aim will be to encourage other believers in the faith, looking for ways to stimulate them in their love for Christ and their neighbor, as well as to join them in doing good for those around us, in the name of Jesus Christ.

But I was wrong to do that. As I deeply desire the fellowship of others, I have no right to such fellowship and camaraderie if it has to be forced. I have always enjoyed the liberty and freedom of making up my own mind about things; and sometimes I end up going completely against the flow. What I have come to realize is that I should cherish the same thing for others…to respect their journey and what God is doing in their hearts through the amazing influences of the Holy Spirit. This is my journey, not their journey!

So I have laid down my “weapons” of persuasion and “surrendered” my friends into the same gracious care of the triune God that I myself enjoy every day. If I were able to convince them to join me on this journey outside the box, then either (1) someone else along the way may persuade them to take a completely different path or (2) they may grow to resent me for pressuring them into something they were not ready for. And it’s just not worth it.

Some people have a difficult time letting go and some even go back after leaving the institutional church. Whether you leave altogether or continue to attend Sunday meetings, your main priorities are loving God with your heart, soul, mind, and strength…and loving your neighbor as yourself. There may be times when you sincerely miss the contact with brothers and sisters in Christ from your previous church connection; so why not drop in from time to time, join them in praising God corporately, and linger over the fellowship time. However, you may find it more painful or frustrating to re-engage people in that particular context and, if so, perhaps you can still maintain those relationships in more neutral surroundings. Invite them over for dessert or a meal. Let them know you treasure their friendship and that you have no intentions of giving that up, just because you no longer attend their Sunday meetings. Some may not understand, no matter how hard you try to explain the way you feel.

But really, there’s no place for guilt in your spiritual life simply because you have chosen to walk a different path, one that perhaps few people are willing to travel. The time may come when more may join us in the journey, but for now it may be a quite lonely road.

Part 1: A Child Following Hard After Father
Part 2: From Legalism to Grace
Part 3: Broken Hearts and Broken Promises
Part 4: Leaving and Coming
Part 5: Deconstructions and Constructions

While living in Germany for a brief period of time, God brought a fellow American into Heidi’s life and the two of them began getting together informally to share their lives from week to week. At some point in their relationship, she says (excerpted from part 5):

I started asking questions. Just where did we get American-style, institutional churches anyway? They didn’t remind me too much of what I read in Scripture. I started wondering about our formulation of “church”….lots of people, sitting in a room arranged with a stage and an audience, listening to what basically amounted to a concert and then listening to someone in front talk through a passage of Scripture…what did this have to do with participating in the Body of Christ, having real relationships with other believers, building them up, inviting them to live in the life of Christ, meeting each other’s needs, feeding the widow and the orphan, fighting poverty and loving our neighbors? Was it a necessary component of following God and knowing God? I had no doubt that some people could find, in the context of normal, institutional churches, true fellowship and encouragement and life as the body of Christ; some people could find a place to meet others’ needs and get their own met; some people could feed the widow and the orphan through the context of their local church, and could fight poverty, and could love their neighbors. I’d seen it, and even at one time experienced it myself. God first came for me, remember, within the context of church and church conferences.

But was it necessary that it be that way? Just because some people could find, in the context of traditional, institutional local churches, what God must have meant when he called us a “Body”, did that mean it was the only way? The God-ordained way? Did he spell it out, that it had to happen that way? Because if it was, why was I missing it, and why were so many other people missing it, when we wanted to find it so badly?

I tried to go back to church. I did. Every time I would end up either angry, or bawling my eyes out in tears from the condemnation and shame that I found there. Meanwhile, without being in the local church, I was growing more than I ever had. I was reading and learning like crazy. God was speaking to me. I was going to conferences (like Ransomed Heart’s “Captivating”) and eating up what God was teaching me there. I was spending time in relationship with other believers; I was finding myself in the unique position of meeting the needs of people who were left outside in the cold by their respective churches. For so long I’d defined myself by certain things. Bible studies. Quiet times. Small groups. Sunday school. Evangelism trips with members from church. Sermon notes. My “life in Christ” was really “life in church” – and the funny thing was, it gave me many burdens to carry, many “plates to spin” as C. J. Mahaney put it in that groundbreaking talk on legalism I talked about earlier. Even good things became burdens, part of the shame game that seemed designed to make sure my behavior matched that of “the good Christian” as defined by Church XYZ, but none of it brought me intimacy with my Father. My soul was left dry and empty by the organized church, and yet God had begun to work in amazing ways in my life….outside of the box of organized religion.

I keep meeting all kinds of people who are tired of the “go to church” and “do the church thing” and be disconnected from what is actually happening in their neighborhoods and their communities. All kinds of people are asking, “How do we enter our local communities without needing to sell them anything, but just live among and be among, listen to stories, and begin to engage them with God’s story in a non-coercive way?”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7TdLfC1jso]

• “They must have really been hurt by the church.”
• “I bet they have a problem with submitting to authority.”
• “Some people just can’t make a serious commitment to a local church.”
• “There are plenty of good churches around here. They must be looking for the perfect church.”
• “They seem like nice people, but it makes you wonder what’s really going on.”
• “Perhaps they belong to some weird cult or maybe they’re part of the emerging church!”

Why not just ask? Rather than work yourself into a lather or, even worse, become guilty of slandering a brother or sister in Christ, just invite them over for coffee and ask them. Sure, you’ll find a horror story every now and then: abuse by authoritarian elders, burned out, spiritual neglect, never accepted into a church’s cliques, serious disagreement that led to a church split, legalism, moral failure of a respected church leader, and the list could go on. Personally, I don’t know many people who haven’t been hurt or disappointed by other Christians, even inside the institutional church.

We’re not upset that people continue to go to their local church services on Sunday. Seriously, we’re not on a compaign to convince others to join us. Are you kidding? Why would we want to make it more difficult for us to get an 11:00 a.m tee time or disturb our quiet Sunday morning picnic spot at the lake? What we do want—for all believers everywhere—is mutual encouragement in our walk with the Lord and a sense of partnership in our collective witness to the world around us, whether locally or across the globe.